In order to effectively educate our children, we must set the rules at home to meet them. Firmness and consistency is the secret. One of the learning concerns of a lack of skill in setting the rules and mark the boundaries acknowledges the amount of respect, which is basically due to too much talking, exaggerate on emotion, and in many cases, we are wrong in our way of expressing clearly what we want or we do with too much authority.
4 Basic Tips for Applying Educational Boundaries
When there is a need of telling our children or kids to do something “now” (packing up toys, sleeping, etc.), following are some basic tips that we need to follow:
- Objectivity. It is common that we, and lots of parents want their children to ‘Be good’, ‘be better’, or ‘do not do that’. If we set a more concrete form, it will be easier for our children to comprehend that. A well-specified limit with short phrases and precise orders is usually clear to a child. ‘Keep a softer tone in library; ‘hold my hand while crossing the street’ are few examples of ways that can assist in increasing the relationship of complicity.
- Options. Usually it is experienced that parents give their children very limited options to select from. With more options, child feel that he/she have a power or control and thereby chances of resistance decreases. For example: ‘It’s bath time. Do you want to shower or do you want to take a bath? ‘‘It’s time to get dressed. Do you want to choose a suit or do I? ‘This is a quick and easy way to give a child two options to do exactly what we want.
- Firmness. Talking about issues that really important for values and traditions, it is necessary to apply limits on these. For example: ‘go to your room now’! Toys are not to throw’ are a sample of it. Firm boundaries are best applied with a secure tone of voice, no shouting, and a serious gesture on the face. The purpose of softer limits is to know if the child is going to obey it or not. Examples of limits that are on a lighter note: ‘Take your toys out of here – do you understand?’; ‘Complete your homework as soon as possible’; ‘Be home at time – okay?’ These limits are appropriate when you want the child to take a certain path. Anyway, for getting work done and getting all these light orders fulfilled, you and your child will share a better relations when it comes to getting your orders fulfilled. The firmness is between the light and the authoritarian.
- Accentuate the positive. It is a fact that when children are provided positive acknowledgements, they like doing things. Some direct repressions like ‘no’, tell a child that his acting is unacceptable, but does not explain what behavior is appropriate. In general, it is best to tell a child what to do (‘talk under’) rather than what he should not do (‘Do not yell’). Parents who are authoritative, and say ‘no’, whereas others use positive statements to get their children follow them.
These 4 tips are shared by an individual who has years of experience in the field of children psychology and has recently been awarded an honorary degree in it.